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Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself, in Christ
Thursday, September 14, 2023 by Lyvita Brooks


Do you like being alone? Are you feeling lonely because you are alone? We'll delve deeper into the importance of developing a healthy relationship with yourself, with Christ as your guide. I'll share four key suggestions on establishing this vital bond and challenge you to spend time alone with yourself and God every day. 


Please enjoy this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Although efforts were made in editing, this transcript may include a few typos. It’s difficult to catch some minor errors. Enjoy!

Welcome to Hanging Out With Jesus Podcast where we equip the saints for ministry. By bringing you tips, interviews, inspiration and information on how to live intentionally and daily in Christ.

For more resources including your free newsletter visit www.hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com or click the link in the show notes

Hi, I’m Lyvita Brooks, Author, Bible Teacher, founder of The Me Project Academy, and your host.

Thanks for supporting this ministry and rating and commenting on the blog and whatever podcast platform you are listening to because then it makes this feel more like a conversation. If this is your first time listening in… WELCOME!

This is episode 84. Our focus is the difference between being alone vs being lonely. Are they the same? Any advantages or statistics on this topic? How can knowing this help me? That and more is coming up …

Now come walk with me where we intentionally and daily hang out with Jesus.



In Ministry News

1:41 - I’d like to share a bit of history today because our episode has to do with being alone. Marriage isn’t for everyone, nor is living with other people. Like parents, brothers and sisters or friends. Some folks chose to be single and live a full life. Did you know?

Susan B. Anthony choice to not get married or have children because being single allowed her to speak or campaign for women’s suffrage without having to deal with caring for a family of her own. She was quoted as saying, “I’m sure that no man could ever (have) made me happier than I have been.”

Did you know that Oprah Winfrey, did not marry Stedman Graham because she told People Magazine in 2019, that they not have stayed married. She states that she has no regrets about getting married or having children. The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa has filled her maternal fold because it is being filled in a way that is best for her.

Now former Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, who wasn’t married when she did this interview in 2011 said, “The fact is you don’t get married in the abstract. You find someone that you’d like to be married to.” And I’d like to add someone whom you and they, want to spend the rest of your lives with, without either of you trying to change that person into someone they were never designed to be.

If God’s designed you to be single for life, do so and embrace every moment of it. Don’t let the world dictate to you who they think you should be or your mother who is bugging you for grandkids. Know that God’s got a purpose, hope and future for your life and during your singleness explore and participate in it all.

If you are going through a season of becoming or being a widow or divorce, don’t become discouraged, yes grieve, but remember this is a time for you to spend time in the arms of Jesus like never before. Stay close to His word, you’ll find out just how awesome, loved and powerful you are just by being alone with the Lord. Embrace this time. God’s Got You!



What’s Happening in The Me Project Academy

4: 53 - Saints, I’ve been doing a reset for my writing. With vacations, helping out with my uncle, and so much more, oh yeap, getting back on a plane, well my writing got off track. I’m sure it also had to do with every time I tried to write, the passion, excitement wasn’t there like before.

I know some of you might find that the summer months or unexpected events can throw you off track. Well once those things begin to calm down, then it’s time to reset, get back on a schedule, and for me that’s writing.

I’m finding that having a schedule in my life with routines, have been the saving grace of God keeping me. Although, my schedule changes, my routines haven’t, only the times. I’m thinking that because I put so much time into being alone with the Lord and finding out what the best time of day for me to do certain things helped. Y’all if ever you get the chance to be alone with the Lord for any length of time take it. Embrace it. Don’t let the things of the world crowd out this time.

It’s those alone times with the Lord that He was nudging me to get back to writing and for me it was having me look for something only to find 4 pages later I’ve enjoyed writing poems and a prose. So I did a reset.

Hopefully, you’ll join me in the Fortified Coaching Program because it can help you if you want to do a reset in getting your ministry on task or figuring out what to do next now that you know what’s your gift or talent. Registration is coming up in late September.

One of the things, I’m using to reset is the Nugget’s Book Club. Being alone is great because it’s where the idea originated. Being in community is great also because it’s where I grow with others as a writer and a book lover. It’s balance. I hope you join me. It’s going to be fun and will allow us to get to know each other through poetry and flash fiction. Registration is already open. Go to hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com or click the link below.



Being Alone vs Being Lonely

10:02 - Saints, there are a lot of stigma’s going around about living alone and being lonely but the problem is that people are attaching the stigma to the same thing. Living alone is different than being lonely.

The reason I bring this up is because I’ve noticed a few people in my circle saying things like you shouldn’t eat out by yourself or go to the movies alone or girl you know you want to get married or what’s that about living by yourself or something must be wrong with you”. Who told you that mess? I’m wondering now why that is still being said.



Statistics on Living Alone

11:02 - Do you know that the number of Americans, according to this article I read in TheHill.com, says that the number of Americans who have not married by the age of 40 has soared from 10% to 25% in 2021. And y’alll there’s this thing called “Grey Divorce” that’s the rising rate of marriages that dissolve after age 50 has doubled since 1990. And also nearly 2/5 of Americans are “unpartnered”, neither married or cohabiting.

I wonder if it’s because people don’t understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. Some people may think that being alone means you are lonely, when in essence it’s two different things.

There are people who choose to live alone, those forced to live alone, don’t have a choice or just happy they don’t have to deal with someone else’s mess.

12:39 - Saints, there are books out there about living alone, living single and enjoying it. Wintering by Katerine May and Sierra Melcher wrote Date Yourself: A Practical Guide to Building Self-confidence and Learning to love who you are (The Change you need) in which the reviews and description sounds interesting. Let me know if you’ve read either book and you’re thoughts on them at [email protected]. I’d appreciate it.

 Now before I go any further, I’d like to clear up something. No follower of Christ is ever alone or living alone. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit and are in Christ. And since all 3 are one, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. Believer, you are really never alone, your eyeballs can’t detect seeing in the spiritual world, right now.



Definition of Being Alone Vs Being Lonely

14:23 - OK let’s debunk some of this language by getting a clear definition for being lonely vs being alone from the dictionary.

Being lonely is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others, even if you are with a group of people; loneliness expresses the pain of being alone; it describes a feeling of sadness attributed to not having connection; stems from feeling like our true self is not seen or understood either by others or from within.

Being alone is a state of being; physically by yourself; and Saints I found this definition in an article I read where they equate solitude to being alone in that they said solitude, expresses the glory of being alone; being alone is craved by some and feared by others; it’s being content in your own company. 

Here’s the key: being lonely and being alone, well they all have to do with our relationship with ourselves.


Relationship Building With Yourself

16:10 - Are you afraid of being by yourself or do you look forward to it? And I don’t mean being alone to watch TV, eat a meal, or do your own thing. Nope I’m talking about being quiet with yourself, dancing with just you, having fun with just you. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is just as important as having a healthy relationship with friends and family. It’s called balance.

Having a healthy relationship with yourself is going to be a daily practice. But how can you do that? How to enjoy your alone time with yourself and God? I have 4 suggestions:

  1. Recognize who’s talking in your head – if the thoughts are negative, call them out and toss some scripture on them to cast them to flee. That means if you here, “you know you don’t have time for this mess or girl, you already too pretty to waste your time of spending time with yourself.” Speak boldly and with confidence, “1st Corinthians 6: 9 to 20 says, my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and if Jesus thought I was good enough to die and send the Holy Spirit to be in me the least I can do is get to know Him who was also involved with the making of me.”

  1. Keep promises to yourself – if you said you’d eat the ice cream after you finished your work, then do so. If you said you’ll purchase an RV once you retire, then do so. My point is whatever you have told yourself, promised yourself than do it.

  1. Acknowledge where you are – take time to make peace with your past and come to terms with your reality. In other words, you left an abusive situation, give yourself some time but forgive them and then accept that right now you are in a one bedroom apartment on your friends couch after leaving a two story house with a view on the ocean. You need to know how/why you got there, accept it. Then it’s time to say, “Well, what can I do to change it?”

  1. Study God’s word – being alone gives you time to dig into God’s word for direction, comfort, love, assurance, peace, forgiveness, hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). It was Jesus custom to go to a solitary place to commune with God. There He was alone. There He fellowshipped with the Father. There He remembered who He is. There He received instruction. There He became refreshed, restored, and revitalized in His mind, His being.


Advantages of Being Alone

21:11 - There are so many advantages to being alone or living alone. Here’s just a few:

  • “Alone” time maybe all you need to get back on track, to thinking clearly and feeling better about yourself.
  • It increases creativity, even small moments can have profound effects on your productivity and creative thing.
  • Strengthens your relationships with others. When you take the time to be alone getting to know enough about yourself and who you are and be comfortable enough with that then spending time with others would be more enjoyable.
  • Being alone make you comfortable in your own skin.
  • I like this quote, “When you find yourself on your own, take the time to unwind and recharge. It’s good for your soul.

Saints, I challenge you for the next couple of weeks to block off alone time. Be intentional about it and do it daily where you are not engaged with texting, chatting or talking with others. It’s time to take time to spend time with yourself, really getting to know you in Christ.

Let’s Pray

23:23 - Thank you Father God, for our bodies that were made in the image of you. Teach us how to guard our time alone with you and continue growing in the wisdom and knowledge of who you are and whom we are, I am in you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.




23:59 - Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, then please consider subscribing to the podcast, rating and reviewing it. This helps in moving it forward to being heard by more believers. Also if you haven’t done so, get your free twice a month Newsletter to keep up with new releases of the podcast, monthly activities on how to live intentionally and daily in Christ, also Nugget’s Book Club and the Fortified Coaching Program, and so much more. All this and more can be found, including my contact info on hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com or the show notes.

So until we meet again over the airwaves, intentionally and daily, hang out with Jesus.

Lyvita: Shalom!


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