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5 Ways to Stop People Pleasing and Start Self-Caring
Thursday, April 11, 2024 by Lyvita Brooks

Saints, do you feel a need to please? Does it seem like you are the one always giving out at the expense of your own self-care? You know you need to go to the doctors but can’t because you have to take care of or help someone else? What is people pleasing? How can it effect your mental health? And what are 5 ways  to stop people pleasing and start taking care of yourself, also?


Please enjoy this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Although efforts were made in editing, this transcript may include a few typos. It’s difficult to catch some minor errors. Enjoy!


 Full Transcript 


What about on the job? Are you doing over and above work because you feel you need to empress someone in order to get ahead, so you do extra work and even unrelated to your job in order to be accepted and validated and approved by those over you to promote you?

Are you a people pleaser in your marriage? Doing everything your spouse wants and always wondering when it’s going to be your turn to do what you want to do? Or accepting stuff you know isn’t right in your marriage in order to keep the peace?

Why as women do we feel the need to take care of everyone else and help everyone else succeed at the expense of losing the love God placed in us for ourselves to love and take care of our individual self, unashamed and unselfishly? 

By the way what’s wrong with saying “NO”  or “Not At This Time”? Who told us that saying those things was being selfish, inconsiderate and harsh? 

1:56 – Here’s my point. We are so busy helping others get to where they need to be and in the meantime we are holding ourselves back from doing what God’s called us to go and do. 

So the question lies: “How much of yourself are you willing to give up, loss, in order to please others so they can be all God’s called them to be, at the expense of you not doing the same? 

That’s our discussion on this episode with tips on how to recognize when you are trying to please others, how to reduce the urge so you can stop, and how to hang out with Jesus to build up your confidence to more of a God pleaser than man’s. Now on the the intro…




Welcome to Hanging Out With Jesus Podcast. The podcast that teaches you how to spend time with God in order to declutter your self-talk, intentionally.

Hi, I’m Lyvita, author, Bible Teacher, and speaker. On a mission with the purpose to help the saints break free from the things that distract us from doing what God’s designed us to do.  And one of those things is being a people pleaser.

This is Episode 98. I pray this episode awakens your senses to the truth of who you are and who you belong to so you can let go of the lies and embrace doing what you are called to do. Let’s get started…



Definitions and Examples of People Pleasing 

3:34 – Ladies, let’s be clear, we are not superwoman nor are we invincible. None of us wear capes, except the mommy’s, grandma’s and auntie’s playing with their young. We cannot do it all nor were we designed to do that, that’s why the word “delegate” is so important. And God has given us so many different gifts and talents for us to help each other out. We do not have to be there for everybody all the time and at every time or the world will stop spinning.

Now that I got that out, because I felt, that even if I didn’t say it, we might think we are, when we know in the back of our heads, that we are not, we are better. We are Prayer Warriors! Women of God.






4:48 – I want to make sure we are on the same page about what a people pleaser is …

A person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrifice their own wants or needs in the process is a people pleaser. They are someone who cares a lot about whether other people like them and always wants others to approve of their actions. Sounds familiar.

For me I would find myself saying “Yes” when I should have said “No” and having to adjust my schedule several different times to accommodate everyone. I’d learned that being confrontational in my house would not a good thing so I began to silence myself for the sake of peace. Not realizing that it was filtering in my work life.

People pleasing can make you sick and anxiety is one of those clues that you have or have overextended yourself. It’s just easier to keep everyone else happy while you make yourself miserable resulting in illness that you are too tired to take care of until it stops you in your tracks. Sometimes, Saints we don’t even know that we are doing it because we have been pleasing folks for so long.

6:36 – The core of people pleasing for some is just feeling that you aren’t good enough just as you are. People pleasers never really get to know themselves; they find it difficult to know the authentic you because you have been pleasing other’s more than knowing yourself.

People pleasers are constantly being someone else or saying things you might not believe or resonate with you. Keeping silent when you want to speak up. You are portraying someone you are not and holding back the real you so you want be rejected or hurt. This can lower your self-esteem.

7:56 – People pleasing is connected to anxiety of being obsessed about every word a person says to them. It’s unattainable because it effect the body and become exhaustion.

8:13 – This is also how one can get confused about their identity because they want to please others, be a part of the group and avertedly begin to convince themselves that they are something or someone they are not, like following your family to continue the gardening business when you really would be happier designing dresses with flower imprints.

Now some of you might be thinking Matthew 22: 39 tell us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” So who are you? How can you love someone like God is instructing you to do when you don’t love yourself? Your first mistake is that you aren’t treating yourself the way God’s treating you. And if you are treating people better than you at the expense of you, than you are not honoring the God who made you.

9:16 – You are just as important as everyone else.

9:23 – You are not any good to anyone if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

9:33 - Saints, we will get back to the episode, but I wanted to share that next month we will be celebrating our 100th episode and the major transition that occurred in my life to propel me into the trust zone. If you want to know what’s happening on future podcast episodes, learn more about planning, productivity, and getting organized with weekly encouragement so you can go and do what God’s called you to do, then sign up for our email community. It’s free. Link’s in the show notes. Now back to the episode.






10:12 – So here is how you can make a shift from being a people pleasers to more of pleasing God so you can be whom He designed you to be without sacrificing self for others:

  1. You need to be totally honest with others and yourself. This will result in lasting relationships which consist of being vulnerable with each other and trusting each other. Sometimes you can’t do it because it’s interfering with you doing what you are called to do. 

  1. Facing what you are afraid of. You never know what will happen if you don’t try. Face your fears by disputing it. I’ve been reading a book called SOS Help for Emotions, recommended to me by my therapist. You see, it’s not the situation that upsets you but your beliefs about that situation.The coulda’, shoulda. Woulda, what ifs, I-can’t-take-this, awefulizing and condemning self-talk is clogging your thoughts. This is why disputing the emotion you are having can help you face your fear. So let’s take my fear of flying. It was too the point where I refused to fly unless it was an emergency and then my anxiety levels were on high alert. So when I confronted those fears, shared what happens when I do and how it made me feel. I pivot by disputing the thoughts that are arising from the fears. I remind myself that it’s not the situation that is upsetting me but what I believe and tell myself about the situation. I tell myself that I can deal with it and begin to analyze my self-talk asking the Holy Spirit to help me.

  1. Lean how to say No without being mean. It is so important that you learn to confidently say no with out getting upset, defensive or looking like you are really saying yes. How? After the person has asked the question, take a deep breath and hear yourself saying calmly no. Then look them in the eyes and say no. No explanation, just no. And if they bug you, let them know by saying, that is my final answer. Then move on to another topic. Even leave if you find that they are disrespecting your wishes of not returning to a conversation you just answered. Stand up for yourself!

  1. Turn up the voice of the Holy Spirit louder than the voices of others by hanging out with Jesus. This means Bible study, memorizing bible verses, praying in the spirit. Hey I purchased this book called Color and Pray. It has a prayer on one side and a picture to color on the other. I thought it was interesting so I tried it. I got it from Barnes and Nobles for $9.99. Saints, I use the prayer as a starter and when I finish coloring I’ve prayed about so much on my heart and it is really calming. There are times when I stop talking and God impresses something on my heart He wants me to chew on. I’ll put the link for it in the show notes and I did a video on it. 

  1. Deep Breathing – saints, studies show that when you practice breathing exercises, it can lead to better mental health, more focus, thinking clearly and reducing feelings of anxiety all of which can come from being a people pleasure.

17:31 So those are the 5 ways to shift from people pleasing to talking care of yourself so you can please God:

  • Be totally honest with yourself and others
  • Facing what you are afraid of
  • Saying no
  • Turn up the Voice of The Holy Spirit
  • Deep Breathing exercises

17:54 – So take some time today and analyze rather you are a people pleaser. Then if you are take one of the suggestions given in this episode to try implementing. If you have receive the email, than video links are provided for some of the choices. If not this would be a good time to join our email community.



Let’s Pray

Our Heavenly Father, thank you for opening our eyes to what a people pleaser is and does and then providing tools for us to pivot our pleasing back to you. Help us to seek out spending more time with You, intentionally, so that we can declutter and become more focused in following You. In Jesus name, Amen.





Saints, thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, then get your free weekly Newsletter to help you declutter your mind, make sense of your heart aches, and improve your self-talk, so you can go and do what God’s called you to do. All this and more can be found, including my contact info on hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com or the show notes.

So until we meet again over the airwaves, intentionally and daily, hang out with Jesus.

Lyvita: Shalom!



Resources Mentioned on the Episode and suggested reading & social media handles:



Lyvita Brooks enjoys hanging out with Jesus, which is the name of her podcast, Hanging Out With Jesus Podcast. She is the author of a book that contains her mother’s poems and reflections left to inspire you to communicate with others instead of fussing. Nuggets for Thought, is that book. In 2024, she will release The Me Project Planner and Journal Series. Be on the look out in the Newsletter.

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